Traveling with the Aspie

We don’t travel much.  Actually, neither me or Justin have ever been on a plane (or a train).  We do love to explore, though, and we often go for drives just to get out of the house.  We start getting crabby with each other if we don’t.

Since we are childfree (by choice!), we can go anywhere at any time and explore the amazing state of Washington without any problems.  We love to just get in the car and go.  But traveling with Justin has its issues.

Justin has a routine before we go anywhere (even the store).  He probably doesn’t realize he does, but I certainly do.  They say the women usually take longest to get ready, but I beg to differ!  He has to make sure he has the right shirt and pants and belt on, make sure he has the right hoodie, get his shoes, put on cologne, then smoke.  I can’t stand and wait for him, or he feels like he’s rushed and it annoys him (sometimes I am rushed, which I’m working on).  Once he’s finally ready, then I usually get ready, because chances are, he’s forgotten something in his routine, and he has to do it or he gets crabby.

We all know by now autistic people have routines and they have to abide by them or they tend to get irritated and that’s when meltdowns can happen.  But I wonder if this is something that all adults with autism struggle with?  Just leaving the house–does that require certain steps or they just can’t handle it?

Once we’re finally in the car, it’s usually me driving (hello, no DUIs here).  I get comments from him–a lot.  He probably doesn’t realize it, but he will make a lot of comments on the way I’m driving or ask why I don’t take certain roads or why I’m hitting the freeway instead of going through town.  Sometimes it really irritates me–but I remember that this his brain is probably just a little weirded out because it’s part of his routine to go a certain way or drive a certain way.  It’s his Aspie routine, and that’s how he likes it!  It doesn’t piss me off or drive like an ass just because he commented, but I’ve noticed it’s usually every time we drive he will comment on something that’s unusual or unexpected of him.

travel

I know Justin stresses a lot about driving, and he doesn’t drive by himself much.  He’s constantly stressing that his car will break down (even mine, which is completely under warranty and only 4 years old) and it’s the unexpected-ness of it that really freaks him out.  We’re hoping we can find him a specialist to help with this stress and worry he tends to have.

At any rate, I’m curious what it’s like for other Aspies out there to travel.  What is your routine of leaving like???

–TARA–

Aspies + Weed = True Love?

I wrote a blog post about weed before, and how much it’s helped Justin’s life.  We were both anti-pot when we started dating, but since it became legalized here in Washington, we both tried it, and I cannot begin to express how much it’s helped both of us (I can finally sleep).  I asked Justin to write what it’s like from his perspective.

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Weed, marijuana, pot, green, dope, Maryjane, whatever you call, it I couldn’t imagine my life without it now. All my life I was straight edge.  I’ve never even been drunk to this day and I just turned 35. I had only tried weed twice before I really started smoking it regularly 2 years ago. I have recently been diagnosed with autism which doesn’t bother me; I am still me, but I stress 24/7.  I worry about shit I shouldn’t, but with weed, I take one hit, and boom–that worry goes away. Not only that but I am more open and can talk to people I may not know as well.

Weed has saved me, honestly.  I’ve lived in Washington state for my whole life.  It’s beautiful here.  Forests, waterfalls, national parks, etc, and so much to explore.  When I was younger, I never explored.  I stayed inside and just played video games.  Since I started smoking pot, I wanted to LIVE.  I wanted to get out and start seeing this state, and explore, and we want to travel.  It made me see that you should stop caring about cell phones, TVs, internet, and realize it’s bullshit that’ll just hold you back.

Before I started weed I had a hard time telling my wife she was gorgeous or that I loved her just because stress or just forgetfulness. With weed, I tell her all the time.  I tell her that she’s hot right to her face, which is hard for me and was hard for me.  Weed takes away my “What ifs.”   Since I’ve been smoking weed, it has improved my mood and helps control my melt downs a little.

Weed also helps me with my eating—which can be helpful for parents with autistic children or teenagers.  I used to be a really picky eater.  Since I started smoking, I realized there are so many different types of food out there and I love to try new recipes—something I NEVER did when I was younger.  I also discovered I love to cook. I also can realize talents I have like mechanical work that I never felt like I had confidence for.

It also helps me focus on tasks.  Before I started smoking I would want to cross stitch, play games, watch a movie, and about 10 minutes into it, I’d start getting distracted and start thinking about 10,000 other things and never finish what I started.  With weed, it keeps me focused on just one task, and helps me finish.

It really bothers me when people who smoke weed are labeled as lazy.  What about people like me, with a brain issue that I can’t control?  With weed, I’m the opposite of lazy.  I can finally focus on things and relax and be myself.  I can also tell you this is not a “gateway” drug.  Tara & I have both been using pot for our issues, and neither of us have had a desire to start shooting up heroin or snorting coke.  She gets high and goes to sleep (wow, dangerous), and I get high and start being creative.  Yeah…really a scary drug, for sure.

I’m not saying everyone should start smoking pot, but from this Aspie’s point of view, pot honestly saved my life, and probably my relationship.  If you or a loved one is struggling, try it.  It might save their life, too.

The Intimate Details

“Autistic people can’t have intimate relationships.”

“Autistic people can’t feel emotions or love.”

“Autistic people die virgins.”  (Yes, that’s legitimately a real statement)

I’ve talked about sex on here before…it’s a topic people avoid, but I don’t.  For some reason sex is given this “hush hush” attitude, when we should be celebrating it.  You’re trying to tell me that the closest you can get to someone is something we should almost be ashamed of?  Well, sir, I disagree.  This is something that we should celebrate.

When we first started dating, as most of you know, I didn’t realize Justin had Asperger’s.  I didn’t think he liked the hugging, kissing, snuggly stuff, and I was totally fine with that.  Just because someone doesn’t smoosh you with their lovey stuff doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.  A lot of people thought that we weren’t really close or comfortable with each other, but that certainly wasn’t the case.  I was comfortable with Justin after the first hour (and my dog also approved).

When it comes to intimacy, part of Asperger’s and being on the Autism spectrum does mean they have a hard time connecting and being able to display affection.  It made so much sense when he was diagnosed, because he does have a hard time with affection.  He doesn’t randomly hug or kiss me, or snuggle me, or that stuff (did I say I’m okay with that?  I promise…I am).  Since he started smoking pot, though, it’s really helped him with his confidence, and now daily he is more able to show his affection for me.  He kisses me and hugs me more, and I can’t support it enough (obviously).

Sex is something different for people on the Autism spectrum.  I see portrayals of Aspies and ASD people in relationships and sex is some foreign, weird thing for them.  Oddly enough, Justin said he’s never had problems with that aspect of a relationship.  I think because he can focus just on that, and it’s the easiest way for him to show his love.  How much more intimate can you get, really?

I will spare you the graphic details of it all (but it’s GREAT), but I want to get the word out that just because you’ve got an Aspie or ASD partner doesn’t mean that intimacy needs to be some foreign thing.  And even those without Autism.  Everyone should celebrate the joy that comes with being in one world for a minute with someone else.  Nothing else matters but that.

How awesome is that?

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Weed!!!

This might be controversial to some. If you are offended by this post, I’m sorry in advance. But I can’t begin to explain how much pot/Mary Jane/the W/THC has helped Justin. 

Justin was a straight edger his whole life. When we started dating, he didn’t even drink (and to this day has never been drunk). Pot, which was illegal here in Washington, was completely out of the question. 

So Christmas eve 2015, my brother came over l. Weed was legalized here in 2013, but he still hadn’t touched it. He got stoned with my brother, and since then he’s been using it.

Autism and pot??   Whaaaaaat??? Think about how much you think.  And stress.  Now multiply that by 10, amd worry about things like driving, dinner, your wife’s problems, what if a tree fell on your house, and every other problem ever. This is Justin’s brain 24/7. 

Then imagine one puff of a plant calms you down. You can focus on one thing instead of 100. You can sleep. You don’t stress as much. You can enjoy  your life. This is Justin on pot.

There are so many people who have problems with pot and so many people who say they’d divorce their husbands if they smoke. Let me just tell you my opinion.  You’re crazy. Justin is able to open up more to me. He can tell me sweet things and compliments on it. He won’t stress until he’s sick. I’ve seen the amazing outcomes for people with seizures and other terrible diseases. And for autism, I’m a fan.

Since Justin’s god-awful asthma this summer, he stopped using the plant. He switched to a vape pen and wax, which is vapor and a lot smoother. It’s working miracles to help him stay calm and focused. Why is this still considered a drug??? Is he supposed to be on mood stabilizers that turn him into a zombie and kill his sex drive? Is that what people expect? 

I don’t want that for him. I say try it. In my eyes this is so much better than dealing with crippling anxiety and stress. 

This is his new setup. Easy!!