Anxiety, Fear and Guilt

Hey everyone!  It’s been a while since we’ve written–I’m sorry!  It’s been a pretty boring past few months, but the past few weeks have seen some changes.  I got an amazing new job close to home and have been adjusting to it, including a budget strain and being past due on EVERYTHING.  Next month Justin has his Social Security hearing and I am praying to everyone I believe in to help us out since he needs it!  So much of life is waiting, and I’m learning to appreciate every minute, like Justin does.

Recently, Justin’s car has been needing some repairs.  He’s amazingly talented at mechanical stuff (though he would never admit it), and has fixed our washing machine, dryer, my parents’ rug shampooer and can probably fix the TV that just died on us.  So he fixed whatever car issue (head gasket?  Valve?  Mainfold?  Hell, I don’t know) he had.  He had a counseling appointment on Friday, and hopped in his car.  He texted me to call him before his appointment and I knew it wasn’t a good sign.  So I did, and he said his car wasn’t working, it was smoking, and he was just about in meltdown stage.  So he drove it home, and the guilt and frustration ruminated all day.

I want to know if this is common.  Adults with Autism:  do they struggle with this much fear, anxiety, and guilt?  I know that anxiety is one of the biggest issues.  What makes him be so afraid of something that I have 100% faith in is fine?  He was already stressed and nervous (to the point of being sick) about going to the counselor he’s seen before a few times.  We’ve driven his car around a few times and it’s fine.  Nobody is giving him issues for missing an appointment or anything.  So what is it that makes him not be able to get out of his own head?

I struggle to help him with this.  I can’t make him understand that nobody thinks he’s a failure, or that nobody thinks he sucks for missing an appointment, and he’s not letting anyone down.  With his past and what he’s had to deal with his whole life, I’m amazed the guy can carry on a conversation.  He’s overcome so much.  He’s so freaking smart it makes me mad (lol).  He cooks, cleans, takes care of the house so I don’t have to, packs me lunches and encourages and supports me through everything.  He watches a video on how to fix a washing machine and he fixes it.  I’d still be staring at videos wondering which one to choose!  This dude is awesome.  Why does he think he’s a failure???

I’d love to hear some feedback about what you guys think.  Tools to overcome anxiety, fear, or guilt.  Do you or your Autistic loved ones suffer with this too?

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–Tara