I like it when Justin writes blogs for me to slaughter. I mean–edit (ahem). I hope that you can find some relation to what he feels, and vice versa. I’d like Justin to know he’s not alone with this weird brain he’s got, and that I love him no matter how hard it is to get him to speak to people (or to stop talking!!!).
Shit Justin says:
I don’t know how it is for other people, but for me there is more than one factor as to why it’s hard for me to speak to people. One is if I don’t know the person, I will first notice their mannerisms and how they speak. Then, however they speak, I will mimic them and their cadence because I don’t know how to speak to them.
From beginning to end of a conversation, I really don’t know when to start and when to stop, so I have a tendency to start a conversation and then I will trail off. Sometimes I feel like my brain’s moving so fast I can’t slow down my thoughts. I do know that when I get excited, I will talk really fast, and that also happens when I get really nervous. It drove my wife crazy when she first met me because I had so much I wanted to say I had to slow down how fast I was talking.
It’s also hard to know what to do with my hands, and I don’t know if other Aspies have that problem. I try to focus on their body movements and try to copy them, but if they’re not moving, I start to fidget and play with my phone or goatee.
I also HATE eye contact. It’s the worst thing in the world. Okay, well, I take that back. It’s not THAT bad. But it’s really stressful. I try to look people in the eye because I know it’s rude, but when someone looks into my eyes, I feel like they can see into my soul or memories. I know they can’t, obviously, but that’s what it feels like. I barely look at anyone in the eyes, and if I do, it’s my wife, and only for a minute or two. It’s not me trying to be disrespectful or being a dick—that’s just how it is for me. I also feel like a creeper if I stare at peoples’ eyes too much.
Socializing is a weird thing for me—if the conversation lags or if I don’t know what to talk about, I’ll bring up random crap, like family memories or something else weird. I just don’t know what to talk about. This happens if I don’t see someone for a while, too. My best friend in the world and I barely see each other, because it legitimately stresses me out because I haven’t seen him for a while. I worry what to talk about (though my wife says we don’t ever shut up anyway).
I feel like avoiding socializing altogether is easier. The day after I socialize or play games or just hang out with people I’m exhausted. It’s like a physical thing for me.
Are any other Aspies like this too?